Summary
I’m Doug, sharing this together with my wife, Selah. Our lives changed forever the morning our teenage son Peter left home to mow a widow’s lawn and was struck in a devastating car accident. I unknowingly drove past the wreck, praying for “whoever” had been in that mangled car, only to discover later it was Peter. Doctors told us his traumatic brain injury was so severe that many patients don’t survive the first week, and others die later from infection. His brain scans looked more like those of a 95-year-old than an 18-year-old. We were heartbroken, staring out the hospital window into a graveyard and crying out, “Lord, please let him live,” and at the same time admitting, “Lord, we don’t even know what to ask—You choose what is best.”
During those early days, God surrounded us with a wave of prayer. Over 300 people crowded the waiting room the first night. People prayed for Peter from almost every U.S. state and from countries around the world—including a tiny church in rural Hawaii, believers in Baghdad, and saints in France. It felt like God was whispering, “I’ve got this. I’m putting Peter on My people’s hearts.” Peter was never brain-dead; he moved from coma into a minimally conscious state, with some eye movement and responses, but no speech.
After about three months and many surgeries, Peter came home. We turned our living room into a hospital room—a hospital bed, suction machine, breathing equipment, a feeding tube, turning him through the night. As parents who had raised strong, independent kids, becoming long-term caregivers for our semi-comatose son felt overwhelming. Well-meaning Christians told us they were sure God would fully heal Peter or that he was communing with God on another level, but those ideas weren’t promises from Scripture. Then God gave us Deuteronomy 29:29 about the “secret things” belonging to the Lord and the revealed things belonging to us. We realized Peter’s future outcome was one of God’s secret things, not ours to control. What *was* clear was our calling: love Peter, care for him faithfully, nurture our marriage, stay in the Word, and continue to serve Christ’s body as we were able.
God has carried us through this marathon with astonishing provision. Selah didn’t cook a single meal for three years because people continually brought food. My parents moved to our neighborhood to help, our son Andrew took a year off his doctoral program to care for Peter, and a Christian businessman paid our nephew to be a full-time caregiver for a season. God even provided a wheelchair van and a more suitable home for Peter’s needs. In the midst of this, we saw God use Peter’s quiet life—his patience and gentle spirit deeply impacted nurses and staff, some of whom asked for Bibles or returned to church after years away.
Today, more than a decade later, Peter still lives with severe disabilities and is rated a three on the Rancho scale, but he no longer needs a ventilator and is more physically stable. He smiles, frowns, laughs at Selah’s silly dancing, and lifts his arm to pull us into strong hugs when we enter the room. Recent hyperbaric treatments have made him more alert, even if not dramatically more verbal. Spiritually, God has used this journey to deepen our understanding of His sovereignty and love. When I preach now about God’s control over our abilities and disabilities, or about Romans 8:28, I do so with a weight and reality I never had before.
As a mom, Selah struggled at first to even mention Peter when talking about our adult children because it hurt so much. Over time, we realized that Peter has a calling too: some believers are called to preach or lead; Peter is called to suffer, and to suffer well, pointing others to God’s kindness and faithfulness through his life. Now we gladly say, “Our youngest son has been given the task of suffering.”
To anyone facing long-term caregiving, our story is simply this: you need Jesus—not just to help you carry the load, but as your Savior and deepest hope. Your greatest problem is not your loved one’s condition but your own need for God’s grace, which Jesus freely gives through the cross and resurrection. And you need the body of Christ—don’t walk this road alone. Our church family has been God’s hands and feet to us. The future is part of the “secret things” that belong to the Lord, but today you can trust Him, open His Word, lean on His people, and take the next step of obedience, knowing He will never leave or forsake you.
Interview with Doug and Selah Helms.
Doug and Selah Helms saw their world turned upside down when a terrible car accident left their 17-year-old son, Peter Helms, with a severe brain injury. They would face the greatest trial of their life and their faith in the Lord would be tested to the limit.
Show notes and detailed description available here: https://compelledpodcast.com/34-life-after-trauma-doug-and-selah-helms/
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Time Chapters
05:12 Host introduces Doug & Selah 07:05 Peter’s car accident described 11:20 Global prayer for Peter spreads 15:18 Diagnosis and minimally conscious state 19:22 Deuteronomy 29:29 and secret things 23:15 Bringing Peter home and caregiving 27:40 Community support and family help 31:25 Preaching on God’s sovereignty 36:10 Peter’s current condition and joy 40:05 Encouragement to long-term caregivers
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